What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 12:20
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
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Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why do men like to have sex with a woman's ass?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Which one is better to guys, boobs or butt?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
How rough can the ferry passage from Hull to Rotterdam be in the autumn ( at the end of October )?
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was in good health!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
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Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Which Bibles can one read and be confident they are reading the inerrant word of God?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Who was the guy that had sex with the AIDS monkey?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Who then, do I blame.?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Has your mother ever walked in on you at an inappropriate time?
She found it foreign!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was scared of men, in general
Do women like men who have slept with many women?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One cannot live in the past .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
How did my ex move on very fast?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
What are some common historical misconceptions?
So whats the point in blame.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I could never make a relationship work though!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Comes on , in middle age.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
All the time i was locked up.
I write beautiful poetry .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I will be 64.
Would this be the day?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
When she asked me how she looked .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Put me off passion for life!!
I waited trembling.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I think the readers, may guess!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She wouldn,t have been !
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My family never makes their pension either.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Ive learnt so much.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im still living with it.
What did i know ?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We were not on the streets..
So, i spoilt her more .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She married twice! .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I said to her
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It was going to be , some day.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I never cut or harmed myself..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And i lived it daily.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My life is so biszare .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I have no regrets .
This is soul school!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We all went to grammer schools
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He knew the spot.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She loved him until the end.
I was seconnd youngest,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was 9 years of age.
But it wasn’t much.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He was dying to do it , i knew.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Was to survive, this bastard.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I don,t even have a pension.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was very sick at this time too.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .